Not for the faint of ear
Jul. 9th, 2006 09:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dendritejungleI have been introduced to a wonderful set of spoken word and video pieces in the last couple of weeks, and I would be remiss if I didn't share them.
First up, we have Ernie Cline's "When I Was a Kid" (scroll down a bit and click on track 2) chastizing today's kids for how hard we had it...back in 1987. No email - you had to write a letter. With a PEN. And then MAIL it. And THEN it would take a week to get there. If you want to steal music, there were no MP3s or Napster - you had to go to the music store and shoplift it yourself. Etcetera. Brilliant!
First up, we have Ernie Cline's "When I Was a Kid" (scroll down a bit and click on track 2) chastizing today's kids for how hard we had it...back in 1987. No email - you had to write a letter. With a PEN. And then MAIL it. And THEN it would take a week to get there. If you want to steal music, there were no MP3s or Napster - you had to go to the music store and shoplift it yourself. Etcetera. Brilliant!
Still here? Just us adults? Splendid.
Then we have his awesome "Nerd Porn Auteur", in which Ernie bemoans that there is no porn out there featuring his kind of woman: smart, geeky chicks. So dammit, he's going to make some. A sample:
Still not sure if you want to see it? Highlight the text below to read the lyrics, and judge for youself.
Well, my father says you're nifty
And you've heard of Baudelaire
And we both agree that human rights abuses are unfair
You understand your feelings
And you're not afraid to share
And I think I could do something with your hair...
You smell nice
And you're groovy
And we both like foreign movies
My mother says you have that touch of class
Well I can see a shining future
Where we'll dialogue and nuture
But there's one last thing I feel I need to ask...
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
Cuz you're beautiful and curvy,
But unless you're kind of pervy
There's no way you and me are gonna last.
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
When it comes to brains, you've got 'em,
But unless you'll play the bottom
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take a pass.
Well, you're adorable, reliable,
But is your anus pliable:
That's the information that I need.
Well, you would do it if you loved me
If you're nervous, squat above me,
You'll be able to control the depth and speed...
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
Cuz I've ordered in a shipment
Of the relevant equipment
I've got lubricant and poppers and some grass.
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
If you need more information
On this type of penetration
We can always take a correspondence class.
You see, I'm not the kind of fella
Who can get off on vanilla.
No, I need I little colour in my sex.
Well, honey-pie it just so happens
That I brought my day-glo strap-on
And some mescaline to heighten the effect...
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
Ooooo...oooo
Do you take it in the aaaaaass?
Then we have his awesome "Nerd Porn Auteur", in which Ernie bemoans that there is no porn out there featuring his kind of woman: smart, geeky chicks. So dammit, he's going to make some. A sample:
"In my porn movies, the girls wouldn't even have to get naked - they'll just take the guys down to the basement and beat them repeatedly at chess....Finally, we have a video by the Wet Spots. Those of you in the audience who are of a pure, prudish or vanilla mindset probably want to give this one a pass. But for the rest of us pervs, it's pretty damn funny. "Lounge singers" combine a VERY catchy tune, (you'll be humming it at work - just don't start singing the words!), great harmonies, and truly unforgettable lyrics. And then there's the video itself!
"I am going to make millions, because this country is full of database programmers and electonics engineers and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need. And you can help. If you're an intelligent woman who is interested in breaking into the adult film industry, and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet, then you are hired!"
Still not sure if you want to see it? Highlight the text below to read the lyrics, and judge for youself.
Well, my father says you're nifty
And you've heard of Baudelaire
And we both agree that human rights abuses are unfair
You understand your feelings
And you're not afraid to share
And I think I could do something with your hair...
You smell nice
And you're groovy
And we both like foreign movies
My mother says you have that touch of class
Well I can see a shining future
Where we'll dialogue and nuture
But there's one last thing I feel I need to ask...
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
Cuz you're beautiful and curvy,
But unless you're kind of pervy
There's no way you and me are gonna last.
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
When it comes to brains, you've got 'em,
But unless you'll play the bottom
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take a pass.
Well, you're adorable, reliable,
But is your anus pliable:
That's the information that I need.
Well, you would do it if you loved me
If you're nervous, squat above me,
You'll be able to control the depth and speed...
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
Cuz I've ordered in a shipment
Of the relevant equipment
I've got lubricant and poppers and some grass.
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
If you need more information
On this type of penetration
We can always take a correspondence class.
You see, I'm not the kind of fella
Who can get off on vanilla.
No, I need I little colour in my sex.
Well, honey-pie it just so happens
That I brought my day-glo strap-on
And some mescaline to heighten the effect...
Do you take it in the ass?
Do you take it in the ass?
Ooooo...oooo
Do you take it in the aaaaaass?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-10 01:35 am (UTC)While you're on a spoken word kick, you should check out
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-10 01:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-10 01:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-10 01:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-10 02:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-10 02:55 am (UTC)Or is that monkey?
It does explain a lot. Especially professional sports that include a lot of screeching and waving sticks around.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-10 03:06 am (UTC)