Musings in the key of "gee..."
Jun. 30th, 2006 11:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dendritejungleWarning: there are minor spoilers for Fullmetal Alchemist.
I've had a scene running through my head from Fullmetal Alchemist, an anime television show currently running on YTV. It's very good, but rather dark in parts and this particular scene is no exception.
The scene is a flashback to an uprising that took place some 15 years before the "present time" of the story. In it, one soldier who we have come to know as driven and rather arrogant, is so distressed that he executed two doctors that he comes very close to taking his own life. He is stopped by another soldier who is himself so guilt-ridden over his role in the larger action against the "Ishbal Uprising" (which basically turned into a massacre by the military) that 15 years into the future, he remains haunted by his actions.
This short scene, only about 30 seconds long, brought a few different things to mind.
Firstly, given that most anime plots generally revolve around fights or violence of some kind (*sigh* I guess we can't all love anime like Haibane Renmei all the time), I've been impressed with the number of anime shows I've seen in the last little while that don't glorify the violence itself. The main characters in Gundam Seed, for instance, are drawn into battle with the greatest reluctance, and only to protect their friends. The show makes very clear not only the psychological toll on them, but the costs on both sides of the conflict. Then there's Vash the Stampede from Trigun, a committed pacifist who resorts to using his gun as a last resort, and refuses to kill.
Aside from these basic ideas, there are the various moral and ethical dilemmas which the shows spin out: how do you react when you realize too late that you've committed an act you can never take back, even if you thought it was the right thing at the time? How do you live you life from that point forward? What actions are worth taking to defend peace? What are the moral responsibilities of a pacifist, if his actions (or lack thereof) lead to more people being injured or killed?
We HAVE to do an anime discussion day with the youth groups. And people wonder why I find these shows so interesting!
I've had a scene running through my head from Fullmetal Alchemist, an anime television show currently running on YTV. It's very good, but rather dark in parts and this particular scene is no exception.
The scene is a flashback to an uprising that took place some 15 years before the "present time" of the story. In it, one soldier who we have come to know as driven and rather arrogant, is so distressed that he executed two doctors that he comes very close to taking his own life. He is stopped by another soldier who is himself so guilt-ridden over his role in the larger action against the "Ishbal Uprising" (which basically turned into a massacre by the military) that 15 years into the future, he remains haunted by his actions.
This short scene, only about 30 seconds long, brought a few different things to mind.
Firstly, given that most anime plots generally revolve around fights or violence of some kind (*sigh* I guess we can't all love anime like Haibane Renmei all the time), I've been impressed with the number of anime shows I've seen in the last little while that don't glorify the violence itself. The main characters in Gundam Seed, for instance, are drawn into battle with the greatest reluctance, and only to protect their friends. The show makes very clear not only the psychological toll on them, but the costs on both sides of the conflict. Then there's Vash the Stampede from Trigun, a committed pacifist who resorts to using his gun as a last resort, and refuses to kill.
Aside from these basic ideas, there are the various moral and ethical dilemmas which the shows spin out: how do you react when you realize too late that you've committed an act you can never take back, even if you thought it was the right thing at the time? How do you live you life from that point forward? What actions are worth taking to defend peace? What are the moral responsibilities of a pacifist, if his actions (or lack thereof) lead to more people being injured or killed?
We HAVE to do an anime discussion day with the youth groups. And people wonder why I find these shows so interesting!
The other thoughts about this scene are less easily articulated, and have to do with emotional vulnerability and stability. If I may generalize, my experience has been that most people become less emotional as they get older. Not only do they express what they do have less...um, exuberantly? than kids but my impression is that generally for adults the emotional "peaks" and "troughs" aren't as comparatively deep as they are for children. I doubt it's because the emotions themselves are less intense, but rather that experience adds perspective and emotions become less overwhelming.
In my life these days, I find it very rarely the case that I'm completely overwhelmed emotionally. I have a nice little sea of emotional stability that over the years I've come to realize has become the norm and not the exception for me (yay!).
But sometimes something will blindside me, usually something completely unexpected, and feels like it's shaking me to the core. It rarely is, but it's disconcerting, uncomfortable as hell, and part of what gets me though it is the knowledge that "this, too, shall pass." And eventually it does.
So it's hard to watch that scene, where this guy's state of mind has become so irrevocably altered from something he's done that he's going to have to live with for the rest of his life. And you can see how hard he's fighting (and in this scene losing) a battle to regain some sort - any sort - of equilibrium. (As an aside, I found that this character's pain made him seem a lot less one-dimensional and a lot more human - a sentiment I found echoed and expanded upon in the haunting fan fiction ...And Ever Widening Slowly Silence All, the author of whom was also clearly moved by this scene.)
It reminds me of reading A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis years ago. Having read a LOT of his Christian fiction and apologetics, as well as his autobiographical account of discovering Christianity Surprised by Joy, I had a good sense of the firmness of his faith. And it was so painful to see through his words in A Grief Observed how savagely that faith - the basis for everything for him - had been tested.
It's one thing when your mind is playing chemical tricks on you, as my brain is given to doing. It's quite another when something really has happened in brutal reality that unseats you so profoundly that your entire emotional scaffolding, coping mechanisms and rock-solid beliefs collapse in the face of it and you have to start from square one.
I find a real poignancy in that kind of struggle. It's a true dark night of the soul I feel incredibly lucky to have been spared so far in my 31 (almost 32!) years of life. And I find it a testament to the unending, ceaselessly surprising wackiness of life that I could be reminded of this from a cartoon, for Pete's sake.
In my life these days, I find it very rarely the case that I'm completely overwhelmed emotionally. I have a nice little sea of emotional stability that over the years I've come to realize has become the norm and not the exception for me (yay!).
But sometimes something will blindside me, usually something completely unexpected, and feels like it's shaking me to the core. It rarely is, but it's disconcerting, uncomfortable as hell, and part of what gets me though it is the knowledge that "this, too, shall pass." And eventually it does.
So it's hard to watch that scene, where this guy's state of mind has become so irrevocably altered from something he's done that he's going to have to live with for the rest of his life. And you can see how hard he's fighting (and in this scene losing) a battle to regain some sort - any sort - of equilibrium. (As an aside, I found that this character's pain made him seem a lot less one-dimensional and a lot more human - a sentiment I found echoed and expanded upon in the haunting fan fiction ...And Ever Widening Slowly Silence All, the author of whom was also clearly moved by this scene.)
It reminds me of reading A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis years ago. Having read a LOT of his Christian fiction and apologetics, as well as his autobiographical account of discovering Christianity Surprised by Joy, I had a good sense of the firmness of his faith. And it was so painful to see through his words in A Grief Observed how savagely that faith - the basis for everything for him - had been tested.
It's one thing when your mind is playing chemical tricks on you, as my brain is given to doing. It's quite another when something really has happened in brutal reality that unseats you so profoundly that your entire emotional scaffolding, coping mechanisms and rock-solid beliefs collapse in the face of it and you have to start from square one.
I find a real poignancy in that kind of struggle. It's a true dark night of the soul I feel incredibly lucky to have been spared so far in my 31 (almost 32!) years of life. And I find it a testament to the unending, ceaselessly surprising wackiness of life that I could be reminded of this from a cartoon, for Pete's sake.
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I'm Heathenesque in another incarnation...
Date: 2006-07-01 05:53 am (UTC)I agree with your view on that scene. It was probably one of the more emotinally impacting and character defining scenes in the series (in my opinion).
My mind kept going back to the pilots and the bombadiers of the Enola Gay, and how mentally crushed they were when they saw that devastation from a distance. I imagined just how terrible it would have been had they been up close, like Mustang had been. To -see- the desrtuction and the faces of the people you were ordered to kill on such a large scale. I cannot imagine anyone coming out of that intact, and I can't help but think it was the close friendship with Hughes that kept him from being totally destroyed.
And anyhow, hope you don't mind the comment here. Thank you again for the kind words. I'm glad to know the story moved at least one person. :)
Re: I'm Heathenesque in another incarnation...
Date: 2006-07-01 05:54 am (UTC)Re: I'm Heathenesque in another incarnation...
Date: 2006-07-03 05:20 am (UTC)BTW, if you know of any other stories of similar calibre (though the material doesn't have to be the same), I'd love any suggestions you might have.
Re: I'm Heathenesque in another incarnation...
Date: 2006-07-03 06:01 am (UTC)Let me see what kind of list I can toss together, it might take a couple of days, though. Any particular ratings limit?
Also, since I have an opening... ;)
Check my LJ. It's actually to index a project that three of us are working on that's post-movie (I'm not certain how far you've gotten into the series, but if you haven't see the whole thing, "Balance of Power" is heavy with spoilers). What you'll get there is "rough" and will be going into revisions fairly soon, but it's multi-chapter, and a second part is in the works. For the most part, it's genfic and predominantly PG13 (except for some violence and Ed's potty mouth).
It actually started out as pure crack, and somehow we uncovered a plot.
Re: I'm Heathenesque in another incarnation...
Date: 2006-07-06 03:45 pm (UTC)Touka Koukan (http://toukakoukan.com/archive_php/index2.html) is loaded with some very good FMA fics, but it's also loaded with Yaoi and Elricest, Fortunately if this isn't your cup of tea, they're all clearly marked, as well as rated.
Scimitar Smile (http://www.scimitarsmile.com/alchemy/index.php) has both FMA and Naruto fics. Again, ratings are clearly marked, as well as subject matter.
MetalWorks (http://www.houjun.com/metalworks/index.html) is a new archive of FMA fics. Some of them are good, some so-so. Again, clearly rated and subject matter listed.
Hope this is enough to get you started. Enjoy!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-01 03:51 pm (UTC)Gigi
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-01 10:19 pm (UTC)I LOVED your quote about makeup (http://jumila.livejournal.com/36694.html), by the way, even when I didn't know who you were.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-01 04:40 pm (UTC)(Ephraim, by the by)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-01 10:25 pm (UTC)I've basically been an anime whore since Anime North this year; I glutted myself on Trigun, then had a Naruto-heavy couple of weeks, and am currently obsessed with FMA.
You were actually pretty easy to figure out, since I remembered your old handle on The Stairwell site. And the mysterious entries I couldn't access kind of confirmed it. But I can see them now - thanks! I feel so special. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-03 03:08 pm (UTC)Kate
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-03 03:32 pm (UTC)