I have been Served Notice.

At approximately 11:45 AM this morning, my body sent me the following memo:

Madame,

We feel it necessary at this juncture to point out that chocolate chip cookies are not an acceptable breakfast. Not even when accompanied by coffee with a smidge of milk in it.

Nor is popcorn, however tasty that Smartfood brand can be, an acceptable dinner.

We put up with the former on a regular basis since your lunches, frankly, rock. But your compounding it with the latter will not be tolerated.

While we appreciate you were tired last night and fell asleep on the couch after seeing that fabulous movie Hot Fuzz with ecchs, krakkernuts and jaefru, we feel we must take action to nip this behaviour in the bud.

Until further notice, "further notice" constituting the consumption of REAL FOOD, we will be taking the following action: your stomach will hurt, your brain will not function properly and your hands will shake. This is a condition called "being very hungry." Please take careful note.

To be clear: this strike will continue until you satisfy our entirely reasonable demands for the aforementioned real food. You know what that is. Get to it. NOW.

Sincerely,

Your body

My attempts to point out to my body that it wasn't, in fact, quite my lunch time yet, were met with a fervent, "ZIP IT, LAMEASS. EAT REAL FOOD. NOW."

For the record, I obliged with a cauliflower-potato-walnut soup I made, accompanied by open-faced sandwiches of fresh tomato and melted Cheddar on whole-wheat bread. And cucumber on the side.